Social media has really made the world a very small place.

You can see, chat or even comment on what you feel needs to be.

You can even feel the psyche of the people in their expressions on the social media.

I am going to touch one of the very common phenomenon among our Kashmeeri girls, who after their marriage continue to use the surname of their parental side, alongwith the surname of the family to which they get married. e.g So and So…Gadoo Talashi,  So and So…. Goja Fotedar, So and So…Dhar Khazanchi etc. etc.

My concern is not regarding the carrying of two surnames. Let them carry two surnames, if at all they think they are doing it the right way.

My only concern is about the Kanyadan.

Even if we go by the literal meaning of the word, it means that the father gives his daughter in “dan”. Thereby giving her to the other side i.e. the boy’s side.

So long the daughter carries the name of her father’s side, the significance of Kanyadan gets marred.

In present setup one can even get the surname changed, in the academic certificates, only if one wishes to,  simply going through some formalities.

So what is the fun of stretching your name.

There should be, no sentiments associated with the religious rituals.

I would like my daughters, who wear the traditional kashmeeri dress “feran’ and other  accessories associated with the traditional dress like targa, zooj, pooch, loungi etc. etc. with pride, to just have an insight of the traditions regarding sur names prevailing during the olden golden days.

I would not suggest as to what should actually be the practice, but yes I would like my readers to  understand for themselves, whether the contention is right or wrong.

Kanyadan or no Kanyadan………..customs say that girl can only carry the name of her spouse and not of her father after the kanyadan.

Once out of Gotra, means beyond any doubt, that you have to part with the gotra and caste of your parents, only to ensure the legitimacy of the Kanyadan.

Carrying father’s surname after the marriage, only nullifies  the purpose of the festivities of marriage and that of the Kanyadan itself.

This is not meant to hurt some of my daughters who carry dual identity, but yes I would like them to give a thought to the very essence of kanyadan.

The most sacred form of marriage for 2500 years in India has been kanyadan, “the gift of a girl.” The concept has a prominent place in ancient Hindu lawbooks.

when the father hands over all his rights and duties towards his daughter to her prospective groom. This way the father gives her daughter as a gift to the groom. As per tradition, groom is considered a form of Lord Vishnu.

And what is the harm if you are exclusively known as a member of the dynasty of Vishnu.

Well, in certain cases there happens to be no need to change the parental caste, as the destiny plans like that. What happens, the bride and the groom happen to be from the same caste and gotra, but not related to each other. In such cases also marriages take place. Though the caste and the gotra remain the same but Kanyadaan also doesn’t get nullified.

What is important  to understand is that Kanyadaan basically means shifting of caste and gotra, though it remains the same in some exceptional cases. But that doesn’t mean that the bride has not left the parental caste and gotra.

There can be an elaborate discussion on the subject. Here I have just tried to evaluate the importance of Kanyadaan.

I hope the message is conveyed in the right perspective.