Month / June 2015

by Manmohan Dhar

Daughter In Law Mother In Law Relationship

Some people may say why I intended to write on this precarious subject of daughter in law, mother in law relationship.

Well, to be very frank, I consider this relationship a very pious, unique, tender, and above all a very selfless relationship. Where both can share all that is important for a healthy and cordial atmosphere in a family. In fact, if I say that their relationship is no less than a very intense friendship, I may not be mistaken.

A friendship which has its roots in mutual trust and belief.

A daughter in law is a girl who comes from a different family. A girl who has been brought up in a much different set of circumstances prevailing in her parental home. She is used to and  has experienced a world much friendly and more suited to her liking and disliking. She must have even been habitual to the parents’ and other family members’ pampering. And not surprising enough, it must have put a permanent impact on the over all behavior of the girl. And she might be fine with it and even enjoying it.

Even her parents must be feeling proud about the way they have been able to bring their child up.

Every child is dear to his or her parents. And no parent would like to impart anything on the child which in the long run would prove wrong for the child. In fact parents try to imbibe good virtues in their beloved children. It is only the way, in which the whole process of teaching and learning goes. Both have to be very much positive in their intent.

Ok, coming back to the subject of daughter in law mother in law relationship, all I have to say is, that a girl from a different family is willing to get married and start a new life with her life partner and of course with his family.

In other words a person who is, in no way related to the boy’s family, leaves her home, her parents, her loved ones viz. brothers, sisters and even friends, just to surrender to her father’s wish to give her as a gift to the boy in the shape of ” Kanyadaan”. And she starts a new life in the boy’s home, considering it her own.

Well, I think this is not something which does’nt deserve to be appreciated, commended and acknowledged.

This shifting of homes would be  no less than a mere dream, if the strong element of sacrifice would not be their in the girl’s consent to be a part and parcel of the boy’s family.

This is where the boy and the girl need to work in tandem and try their level best to balance the whole family scenario with intelligent and most family oriented behavior.

And this is when the daughter in law, mother in law relationship comes into being. If the girl enters the boy’s home with a clean and selfless mind set and the boy’s mother treats the girl as the most important member of the family, who deserves the special care and affection, then we can think of everything being smooth and satisfying.

But once the element of misadventure invades either the psyche of mother in law or for that matter the daughter in law, think that everything is not fine with the family.

Let us now discuss the element of expectation, which becomes indispensable the moment the relationship comes into existence. Both expect their due from each other. And the one who falters, faces the wrath.

And do you know who emerges as the biggest sufferer in the whole scenario.

Yes, you are right. The Boy. But how ? well, that is altogether a different issue and can be discussed separately.

But why element of expectation, why shouldn’t we call it the element of caring and sharing. Because, when we expect, and expectation eludes us, it gives pain. And when we don’t create an element of expectation and something comes our way unexpectedly, it can undoubtedly give us a reason to rejoice and feel happy and satisfied.

And when we talk in terms of caring and sharing. Both these aspects of life are very much positive and enthralling.

Believe me when relationships are nurtured on the pillars of caring and sharing, the world will become a wonderful creation of God in the real sense.

Moreover, metaphorically speaking, if we try to see the relationship of Daughter In Law and Mother In Law, together, we get DILMIL. (And dilmil in hindi means, Union of hearts, or  mutual understanding). We must have quite often heard people say, ” dil mil gaye. which means there has been a strong unison and mutual understanding.

So I insist, there has to be a strong feeling of mutual understanding, which is the only way to keep the family buoyancy intact.

A cheerful and optimistic attitude or disposition is the key to healthy family embodiment and quintessence.

by Manmohan Dhar

Children Parent Relationship….. Give It A Thought.

By Manmohan Dhar

World is changing at a very fast speed. So is our country, our neighborhood, our society and our culture.

And it is very hard to put brakes on the changing life style, food habits, social instincts, alarmingly damaging approach to life, of the present day youth. Though we may not generalize the situation but yes a large section of the youth is definitely not on the right path in their pursuit.

In fact, to be very frank, damage, I am afraid, has been done, and all the blame for that can not be put on the youth only.

Society, work culture, social media and the parents as well, are to be blamed for the remotely repairable damage that has been caused. Why I say “remotely repairable”, has a strong reason behind that, which is that we should never, under any circumstances, say that this damage can’t be fixed.

I feel,  if we all act towards the right direction, with a right approach and with a strong and firm resolve, we will succeed in repairing the damage, before it is too late.

Children, in the present educational scenario, live with their parents till they qualify their higher secondary academics.

After that they either qualify for professional studies or for any other stream of academics, for which they have to leave the home and live at a separate place with altogether a separate environment.

This is where the problem starts cropping up.

But those twelve years of academic study can play a vital role in the psyche of a particular child, if the parents put in their best in shaping and polishing the mind set of their children. Because these are basically the most crucial years of a child where he or she can be motivated and inspired to follow what is right for him or her.

When the parents don’t falter their duties, when they understand the virtues and shortcomings of their children, when they make use of  time, the most, in teaching their children, the essence of this world and the purpose to live in it, then there is no reason why we can not conquer the evil.

There are so many aspects of life which need one on one with respect to the children and their parents, and lot many need to be addressed with utmost caution and belongingness because when it comes to a bright and acceptable future of our children, we as parents can never efford to be careless or for that matter ignorant about the growth and development of our children.

As parents we have to take time out, in persuading our children to understand the meaning of being noble, gentle, generous, painstaking, helpful and above all obedient, so that when our children are exposed to external stumili, they are able to resist and in the bargain impart less damage to their growing persona.

Children too,  are human being, just like their parents. They can come across a variety of people with altogether a different mental  setup and a different pattern of reacting abilities to deal with outside world. So with everything just averse to what they thought theie environment to be, they ought to manage, with all the I.Q  at their command, to come up to the expectations of their parents. This is what most of the parents keep…… expectations!

Well to expect good is not bad, but to expect good without thinking that this expecting factor, may in the long run may create a sense of fear in his mind, and instead of trying to do good or be good, he may lose the grip and get swayed into something very bad.

So expectations need to be minimized. We may exercise our right to be the parents who always want to protect their children, expecting them to be good, but expectations need to be minimal.

When  something good comes your way unexpectedly, it gives a feeling of joy, contentment and tremendous satisfaction.

Children too, need time to settle in a particular environment.

And I can assure you, if your home work has been up to the mark, they won’t disappoint you.

So for all those parents who are never ready to take the brunt of responsibility on their shoulders, I  would suggest they take time out, from their busy schedule and devote it towards their children during their all important academics, when they are all out to listen to whatever you tell them in framing their future.

Let us all take the call well on time and nip the evil in the bud, before it is too late.

Because, it is really, never, too late.

What is needed is the “Action, at a right time, at a right place and of course with the right person”.

Children and parents, both can play a very vital and pivital role in nation building. All that is needed is the sincere effort and firm resolve to be instrumental in transforming the society.

Ours is a very rich culture and to preserve the essence of it’s richness, we shall have to be the whistleblowers. If we see or come to know about something  concerning our children or for that matter someone else’s children, which in one way or the other is not good for them, we should raise our voice. Because we owe it to the human race and humanity.